The Plan

This is more extensive than what I do with Amy, but these are the ideas I worked on. Through each category, the number stays the same. So disadvantage #1 goes with option #1. Make sense?

SITUATION: Giving instructions to Amy and Noel to do morning routine (breakfast, clear dishes, get dressed, jammies in hamper, comb hair) and chores (one in bedroom like make bed or clean up a few things, one other).

OPTIONS:
1. Get angry and mean. Coerce and threaten.
2. Casually give instructions while doing other things and forget to follow through.
3. Prepare kids and myself for giving instructions. Require eye contact from kids and self. Follow through. Praise a lot. Be involved. Make sure the child knows how to follow the instruction and that she has heard it.
4. Instruct Amy and Noel through the process together.
5. Instruct each child separately.

 DISADVANTAGES:
 1. I hate this. I don't believe in it. I don't feel good when I do it. The kids don't learn what is expected or how to be self-governed. I hurt their feelings. I set a bad example. I teach them how to treat me and each other. I lose self-respect. I develop a habit of micro-managing. Negative atmosphere. Battle ground instead of team work.
2. Takes FOREVER. Kids feel no need to follow through. Helping the kids feels like a burden, pulling me away from what I want to do.
3. Requires so much patience. It's precise - requires a lot out of each of us. Feels petty and nit-picky to have the child to EVERY step of the process EVERY time. (I still think it is good; I just struggle when they don't obey one little part and I feel the need to enforce it. We're all still learning the process.) It is particularly hard to get Amy to make and maintain eye contact, even when she's listening and ready to obey. I really have to change gears and get little or nothing else done during that time.
4. Sometimes both kids need help, attention, or instructions at the same time. Making one wait messes up the flow and gets them distracted.
5. Takes so long. It would be frustrating for me to feel like I wasn't getting anything done. Impractical if we have to go anywhere.

ADVANTAGES:
1. Sometimes gets quick obedience. It is the path of least resistance to follow my impulses.
2. I get stuff done. My anxiety is low. I don't feel tempted to nag or micro-manage.
3. Self-respect. I learn. My kids learn. We will get better at this. It is best in the long run. I am more kind, calm, and loving. Expectations are established up front. It's predictable. We all learn to be self-governed. The kids are enabled to take responsibility.
4. Keeps it productive. Less time for the whole process. I can alternate between children as neither needs constant supervision in obeying the instructions.
5. Follow through is immediate. Kids may stay more focused.

SOLUTION:
Most of the time, I would like to choose a combination of 3 and 4. In other words, I would like to work with both girls at the same time (alternating between them who I help, instruct, inspect the work of, administer consequences to, etc.). I would like to prepare everyone before hand and require that they accept instructions immediately or disagree appropriately, follow through, and report. Any consequences earned are also dealt with as quickly as possible. Even when children choose to not obey, I stay calm, knowing we have a plan in place and that I can follow the consequences we have set in place.


Making the plan helps. Here's hoping for my self-control with my thoughts, feelings, and impulses.